Choices
by ash32955
Summary: spike makes a tough choice
1. Goodbye to you

These characters are not mine they belonge to Joss Whedon , Mutant enemy etc.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Buffy? Buffy are you awake?" Dawn yelled from her sister's doorway. "Yeah im awake Dawn" Buffy responded ". Well good because your gonna make me late for school again" Dawn said impatiently as she stomped downstairs.  
  
Buffy crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom . she cleaned herself up and went back to her bedroom to put on her Doublemeat Palace uniform. Buffy made her way downstairs to greet her sister.Together they headed out to door and to Buffy's car. It was a short trip to the newly rebuilt Sunnydale High and although Dawn seemed excited , Buffy was a little worried about letting her little sister go alone. Buffy pulled up in front of the school and gave Dawn a kiss goodbye. As Dawn got out of the car Buffy had a strong impulse to get out and follow her but she looked in the mirror , took a deep breath and realized Dawn wasn't a little girl anymore and that she could take car of herself. Feeling confident in her sister Buffy headed for work.  
  
Buffy arrived at the Doublemeat Palace and headed in ready for a long day of hard work. About 3 hours into Buffy's work day her boss came over and said "Buffy , why dont you take the rest of the day off alright?" . Buffy was excited about her day off , she hadn't had a day alone by herself in a long time.  
  
She eagerly drove home and headed up to the bathrom for a nice hot bath. Buffy removed her uniform and stepped in to the tub. She nearly fell asleep she was so tired but managed to stay awake. About an hour later seh decided she should get out because she didn't want to prune. she went to her room and put on comfy jeans and a loosed t-shirt then headed downstairs for some tv time.  
  
Buffy plopped down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap and turned on the tv. She started watching a movie on Lifetime but it didn't really interest her . Buffy couldnt find anything good on tv so she turned it off , She thought maybe a nap was in order. She layed back on the pillow and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered up with it. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she needed this rest. Buffy layed still for about ten minutes but couldnt fall asleep.  
  
She sat up and wondered what was wrong . she thought maybe she wasn't tired or she was bored but then she realized that it wasn't any of those things , she knew what was bothering her, She didn't want to be alone. Buffy was suprised that she admitted to herself , but what suprised her the most was that she admitted to herself who she wanted to spend her free time with ....... Spike.  
  
Buffy couldnt figure out why she wanted to spend time with Spike but she knew she did so she headed over to his crypt. She walked up to his door and opened it quietly because she didn't want to disturbe him . She stepped in expecting to see Spike lounging in the couch watching Passions but instead he was sitting in the chair and he looked upset.  
  
Buffy walked over and said "hey Spike , are you feeling ok?" . Spike looked up at her and replied "no Buffy im not ok" . Buffy was a little worried , she had never seen spike like this before. she kneeled down next to the chair and asked him " well tell me whats wrong , maybe i can help" . That's the first time Buffy ever offered to help him.  
  
Spike looked at Buffy and she looked back, she saw such a deep look of pain . She also saw not an evil souless creature but a caring , brave , kind man who was so full of love. Buffy knew he loved her but she saw more love inside and she wondered why he held it back so she just asked him.  
  
" Spike , i know you love me and vampire's aren't supposed to love , but i feel it i really do. I can see that your full of so much more love and i want to know why your holding it back, please tell me?" Spike looked at her ready to tell her everything he had been keeping inside for so long.  
  
" Your right Buffy , i do love you. And there is alot of love inside, it's all love for you but i can't let it out ". Buffy wondered " why can't you ?". He continued " there's too much , and if i let it all out it will consume you. I dont want that for you , I want you to be consumed by someone who you can love , not by someone who love's you but you feel nothing for ''. Buffy looked at him with compassion filled eye's much the same way he often looked at her.  
  
To Buffy's suprise Spike stood up , pulled her to her feet and lead her to the door . He opened it and ushered for her to leave. She was confused by what he was doing until he spoke. " Buffy , i don't think it's such a good idea for us to be around eachother anymore because you only fuel my desire to be with you and i know i can't ever have what i want and your all i want . so i need you to go , be with your friend's and be happy. I know you'll find someone , the right someone . So you go , find him , marry him and have lot's of children and grandchildren and grow old with him ".  
  
Spike tried to hold back his tear's as he spoke but he couldnt and for the first time he wasn't alone , Buffy too felt the pain in his word's. He continued , " i can't be around you Buffy , so im gonna go and let you live your life. But i want you to know that i will always love you and i'll miss you but do me favor. Please dont remember me, dont plague your mind with thought's of the past..... just move on . Tell Dawn i love her and that i'll miss her. Buffy ...... take care of her"  
  
Spiked brushed the tear's away from Buffy's face and pressed a kiss to her forehead . He looked at her for the last time and choking back his tear's he said "goodybye Buffy" . He turned his head because he couldnt bear to see the look on her face , he knew he hurt her but it was the way thing's had to be. He closed the door behind him and left a dumbfounded and grief stricked Buffy standing alone . 


	2. Me

These characters are not mine, they belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy etc.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A heartbroken Spike stumbled over to the couch and sat down. He tried to convince himself that it was fro the best. He cringed at the thought of letting go of the only thing he lived for. Buffy stood in the middle of the desserted graveyard with tears streaked down her face. She couldnt understand why he was leaving , she knew he didn't want to. She knew he was lying and Buffy was determined to get the truth. She raced back to Spike's crypt . Buffy ran into Spike's crypt and stopped right infront of him. He stood up facing her. Buffy brushed away the tear's rollong down her face and began to speak. " So that's it huh? without any warning you just dump this on me and expect me to just take it. Well im sorry but i can't ". Spike was a little suprised that Buffy had come back . He began to respond " why do you care if I go Buffy? why? because id really like to know. Why the hell do you care if I leave or not? you dont give a shit about me Buffy so tell me......why?" . Buffy was shocked , Spike hadn't spoken to her that harshly in a long time. She was used to him telling her he loved her. She answerd " you can't leave because..........Dawn will be crushed. you know how much she love's you" Spike laughed at Buffy's answer as if it was a joke. He replied " oh please Buffy, that's not the reason . Come on Buffy what is it? huh? is it that no one will be here to obsess over you because all your friends are to busy with their own lives? or is it because youll have no one to beat down on when your mad and then run to for company when your alone? huh? your not answering me" Buffy just stood there , she didnt know what to say. Spike continued " maybe it's the fear of rejection. Maybe you dont want me to leave because you dont want to feel rejected ". Buffy was stunned , but she knew......he was right. Spike just realizing what he said began to apologize. " Oh god Buffy im sorry" he pleaded. Before he could go on Buffy began to speak " No , dont be sorry. Why should you be sorry when your right". Spike was confused " what do you mena right?" Buffy explained " I dont wasnt to be rejected , I dont want to feel like a loser , like im not even good enough for someone whose 100 years old ". Spike tried to comfort her " Buffy i didnt mean it like that, I just meant that you dont handle rejection well . But Buffy we arent together so im not rejecting you. If anyones getting rejected its me . ive known all along that i never had a chance with you . I should have left a long time ago but better late then never i suppose". Spike picked up his bag and turned to leave but before he could go Buffy plunged her fust into his face. He fell over on the couch . An angry Buffy began to speak " are you stupid? or just blind? ". Spike still suffering from the blow looked at Buffy with questioning eyes. She continued " how can you not see whats right in front of you ?". Spike was confused , he asked her " i dont understand Buffy , what am I supposed to see?" she simply replied " me". 


End file.
